7 Signs A Marriage Will Last, According To Wedding Planners

How you treat each other during the wedding planning process says a lot about the future of your marriage.
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Hinterhaus Productions via Getty Images

Marriage therapists aren’t the only ones who have insight into whether a newlywed couple will stay together. 

Turns out wedding planners know a thing or two about a marriage’s potential, given all the time they spend with their clients in the months leading up to the wedding. Working closely with couples ― and seeing them on their good days and their bad days ― gives these wedding professionals a strong sense of which pairs will likely stay together in the long run. 

Below, wedding planners share the signs that bode well for a couple’s future together.

1. They’re willing to compromise. 

A couple’s ability to give and take is crucial, not just when deciding on a wedding venue or a cake flavor but also for the success of the relationship as a whole. Sometimes it means meeting in the middle, other times it means letting your partner have it their way, knowing that they’d do the same for you. 

“In wedding planning and in marriage, being able to understand the perspective of your mate and adapt to find solutions that you can both live with is a key skill,” said Lori Stephenson, founder of Lola Event Productions in Chicago. “Problem-solving skills and being willing to work together to find solutions to challenges are strong indicators of relationship success.”

Even when differences of opinion arise, a strong couple is able to stay calm and truly listen to each other. 

“Not all couples have to agree on everything all the time, but respecting the other person’s ideas, viewpoints, experiences and working to meet them in the middle ― without always needing to be right ― opens the door to a successful marriage,” said planner Jove Meyer of Jove Meyer Events in New York. 

2. They’re more focused on the marriage than the wedding. 

A wedding is a momentous occasion, no doubt, but it’s also one day of a hopefully long marriage ahead. Couples who have their priorities straight stay focused on the bigger picture: the marriage itself, rather than fixating on every little wedding planning hiccup. 

“Couples focused on their marriage more than their wedding still care about wedding details, but they don’t freak out about minor issues during the planning process or on the wedding day,” said Tracie Domino, founder and creative director of Tracie Domino Events, based in Tampa, Florida. “When a couple doesn’t freak out that we need to move the ceremony inside due to rain or don’t get angry if the band accidentally plays one of their do-not-play songs, that’s an immediate sign that the marriage is built to last.”

Planner Maggie Gaudaen, co-founder of Pop! Wed Co. in Washington, D.C., made a similar observation of the couples she’s worked with. The happiest ones “aren’t wringing their hands over everything being Pinterest-perfect.”

“They’re simply over the moon to be married,” she said. “When all the wedding glitz and glamour is gone, and you’re sitting there on the couch in sweats next to your new spouse, marriage is all that’s left. And that’s the best part.”

3. They plan the wedding together, making decisions as a team.

It’s not unusual for one partner to spearhead the planning process, especially if that person finds the work enjoyable or has more time in his or her schedule to devote to it. But if one partner is calling all the shots and the other is totally uninvolved in the decision-making process, it may mean the couple isn’t acting as a team in other areas of the relationship. 

“Couples who jump on a conference call with me together, who both show up at vendor appointments and evenly divide up tasks are more likely to last,” planner Liz Coopersmith of Silver Charm Events in Los Angeles said. “I had a groom who wanted tacos at their wedding. They went to five different taco places before picking one, and she came along each time because it was important to him that she liked the tacos, too.”

4. They’re on the same page when it comes to the wedding budget.

It’s no secret that money is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Couples who see eye-to-eye on wedding spending, or can at least talk it through when they don’t, are better prepared for big discussions about mortgages, bills and childcare expenses they may have to deal with down the road. 

“Whether you are footing your own wedding bills or you have family helping out, having frank discussions about your spending priorities and not keeping budget challenges from each other is key in wedding planning and life,” Stephenson said. “No one should go into a marriage in debt up to their ears from planning a party that was too expensive for their lifestyle.” 

5. They can be assertive with pushy family members when need be. 

Once you’re engaged, parents, siblings ― heck, even second cousins ― may begin voicing their unsolicited opinions about your wedding. If both partners have healthy boundaries with their family members, they should be able to hear this “advice” and respectfully ignore it if it doesn’t suit them. 

“If a groom chooses his mother’s ideas over his soon-to-be wife’s ideas, that’s not good,” planner Summer McLane of My Simply Perfect Events in Atlanta said. “There comes a time when a couple has to start moving as a unit, independently of their families. Oftentimes an overbearing family member will make matters tough. When the bride or groom takes the side of their soon-to-be spouse, it’s perfect. It shows that they’ll protect their spouse when they need it.” 

6. They have realistic expectations about the wedding and the marriage.

Couples who are prepared for the inevitable bumps in the road ― whether it’s a wedding vendor who’s running late or a rough patch in the relationship ― are better equipped to go the distance. 

“Do you expect the sun, moon and stars on a limited budget? Do you expect Mother Nature’s full cooperation and lament less-than-ideal weather when the big day rolls around?” Stephenson said. “Do you expect things to happen on to-the-minute timing that doesn’t allow for spontaneity on the big day? These are all signs that your expectations are unrealistic and need to be managed.”

 7. They’re capable of having difficult conversations without jumping down each other’s throats. 

Even the healthiest couples are going to disagree at times. The key is how you manage those points of contention. Do you yell, name-call or stonewall? Or do you take a deep breath and express your feelings in an honest, mature manner?

Wedding planning often brings tricky conversations and touchy subjects (like family and money) to the forefront.

“Planning a wedding isn’t just about pretty flowers and cake,” McLane said. “I’m part of really difficult conversations and decisions with my couples, and when a couple is open, honest and realistic, for them, it’s a great sign that the marriage will last. I’ve had grooms hide financial issues from their bride, and it makes me so uncomfortable because if you’re being sneaky before the wedding, you’ll be sneaky after the wedding.”

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Before You Go

Fun and Creative Wedding Ideas
A spy decoder save-the-date(01 of27)
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Invitees can use the special glasses to view your top-secret wedding details. (credit:Paper Truly)
Or a flow chart save-the-date(02 of27)
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Inject a little humor into your stationery selection. (credit:Smitten Paper Co/Etsy)
A popcorn box that doubles as a wedding program(03 of27)
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Guests can munch while they wait for your walk down the aisle. (credit:Laura Dee Photography)
Mini tissue boxes for your cry baby friends(04 of27)
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After hearing your vows, they'll need 'em! (credit:Something Turquoise)
A playhouse for your little wedding guests(05 of27)
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You've got to keep the kiddos occupied somehow. (credit:Arrowood Photography | Bella Dolce Events)
A funny sign to display at the reception(06 of27)
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Sorry, no boring wedding crashers allowed. (credit:The Style Co.)
A giant KerPlunk game(07 of27)
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This oversized version of the childhood classic is a fun way to get guests to mingle during the cocktail hour. (credit:Kate Jackson)
A make-your-own bloody mary bar = #BrunchGoals(08 of27)
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We'll have ours extra spicy, please! (credit:Wayfair)
Or better yet: A French fry bar(09 of27)
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Season them to your heart's desire. And the more dipping sauce options, the better. (credit:Brooke Courtney)
A photo booth with life-size cut-outs of you and your boo(10 of27)
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The posing possibilities are endless. (credit:The Bird and The Bear)
And don't forget cut-outs of your guests' faces to use as props(11 of27)
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Let them get in on the fun, too. (credit:4 Eyes Photography)
Or a video booth instead, if you want something a little more animated(12 of27)
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Guests can share a story, give relationship advice or just goof off -- anything goes! (credit:Brooke Courtney)
A shoe valet for tired feet(13 of27)
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Invite guests to kick off their heels so they can *really* bust a move. (credit:Sarah and Ben Photography)
A flip cup table(14 of27)
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Relive your college glory days with some drinking game fun. (credit:Scott Stater Photography)
Not really a beer person? Then maybe a whiskey tasting is more to your liking(15 of27)
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Bottom's up, y'all! (credit:Elizabeth Burgi Photography)
Table numbers with corresponding pictures of you two at that age(16 of27)
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A great way to share all those cute (and occasionally embarrassing) #TBT photos. (credit:Something Turquoise)
A photographic guest book(17 of27)
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Put out an instant camera, like the Fujifilm Instax, and let guests leave a pic along with their well wishes. (credit:<a href="http://kristacomeau.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Krista Comeau" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b44ede8e4b0c523e26376db" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://kristacomeau.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="16" data-vars-position-in-unit="37">Krista Comeau</a> | <a href="http://mulemotherbooks.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Mule Mother Books" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b44ede8e4b0c523e26376db" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://mulemotherbooks.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="17" data-vars-position-in-unit="38">Mule Mother Books</a>)
Advice cards for family and friends to fill out(18 of27)
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You'll have a blast reading all the responses after the wedding is over. (credit:Gia Pham at Cory Ryan Photography)
A bathroom sign that will make guests feel like a million bucks(19 of27)
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While also reminding them to get their butts back on the dance floor. (credit:LongShadowPaper/Etsy)
A wedding cake piñata > a regular wedding cake(20 of27)
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Instead of cutting a cake, break open one of these bad boys. Be sure to put lots of fun goodies inside. (credit:Luke and Mallory)
A caricature station creates some quirky little keepsakes(21 of27)
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An unconventional wedding favor your guests won't want to toss in the trash. (credit:Leah Valentine Photography)
Or take things up a notch with a (real or temporary!) tattoo station(22 of27)
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Are you feeling ink-spired yet? (credit:<a href="http://allebachphotography.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="ALLEBACH PHOTOGRAPHY" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b44ede8e4b0c523e26376db" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://allebachphotography.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="5" data-vars-position-in-unit="26">ALLEBACH PHOTOGRAPHY</a> | <a href="http://bit.ly/2hU96ks" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="The Wedding Tattooer" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="5b44ede8e4b0c523e26376db" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://bit.ly/2hU96ks" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="6" data-vars-position-in-unit="27">The Wedding Tattooer</a>)
A pizza buffet is a crowd-pleaser(23 of27)
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No one will miss the salmon filets when you're serving up all this cheesy goodness. (credit:Chowen Photography)
Or mini pizza wedding favors(24 of27)
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Warning: Hungry guests may hoard these late-night bites. (credit:JoPhoto)
A silent disco gets around pesky noise ordinances(25 of27)
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Keep the dance party going without worrying about neighbors calling the cops. (credit:Hannah Larkin Photography)
Karaoke to close out the night(26 of27)
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Nothing brings people together quite like a drunk sing-along. (credit:Wild About You Photography)
And finally, a glowstick sendoff(27 of27)
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A colorful spin on the beloved sparkler sendoff -- without the fire hazard. (credit:Lauren Wright Photo)

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