At the beginning of 2017, I made a decision to not set any New Year resolutions. I’d had enough of the usual goal-setting, purpose-finding resolution-making New Year plans. It had been a very busy two years, and I just wanted a rest. I had experienced so many positive and negative things – getting my debut novel published, suffering with my health, a long-term relationship breakdown, hospital treatments, getting back on my feet, a new sense of self, a new romantic relationship, better health and a new, deeper connection with myself and my life.
It had been a beautifully turbulent two years, but I knew that I needed to physically and metaphorically put my feet up. My gut told me that I was at the beginning of a new energetic cycle, and if I wanted to attune myself to the natural flow of it, then I had to give myself a break and allow Life to carry me where it wanted me to go, instead of me trying to make Life go where I wanted it to go!
Little did I know what was in store for me, and at the end of this year, I say a prayer of wonder and pure gratitude for all that I have had the privilege of experiencing!
I was able to do the most significant healing of my life when an opportunity presented itself for me to do a seven-day intensive retreat with Path Retreats in June.
In October, I moved into my wonderful new home with my daughter, partner and two dogs, and I can honestly say that I feel safe, secure and truly at home for the first time in my life.
My life has started to take on a lovely new direction of its own, and even though I have no clue where I’m heading, I trust the path that I’m on. Why? Because the best thing that’s happened to me in 2017, is that I have finally learned to surrender to myself.
This has undoubtedly been the greatest gift that I have ever given myself. The ability to surrender. And as I approach the end of this year and move towards the new energy of 2018, I have decided that my resolution for next year is to just keep surrendering. But what does this actually mean? Well, surrender means different things to different people, and it certainly doesn’t have only one meaning.
Surrendering is allowing ourselves to really feel whatever is inside us and whatever arises within us, without beating ourselves up over it.
Surrendering is accepting our faults and weaknesses, without judgement or rejection.
Surrendering is allowing ourselves to feel good in whichever way we choose, without guilt or apology.
Surrendering is accepting ourselves exactly as we are, and being okay with who we are in any given moment.
Surrendering is accepting and embracing Life in all its fruitful, beautiful, delicate complexity.
Surrendering is about releasing those expectations of how we think our lives should be, and what our lives should look like, and instead, accepting and celebrating our lives for what they already are.
Surrendering is trusting that even if we don’t know or understand what our purpose is, our soul does.
Surrendering is making peace with all parts of ourselves, light and dark.
Surrendering is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, quiet and tender, and knowing that we are perfect and safe in all of it.
Surrendering is allowing ourselves to feel our inner peace, power and passion, without the need to make ourselves bigger or smaller to suit the bigness or smallness of others. A tree doesn’t grow itself taller, or shrink itself smaller, to accommodate the people standing in its shelter. It stands strong as it is; comfortable in its power, deep in its roots, and not needing to compete with the trees that grow next to it.
Nature is our greatest teacher, and she is always showing us the way, whether we recognise it or not. And just like Nature, we too have our own inner seasons, cycles and rhythms which need to be honoured. We are so busy doing, doing, doing, that we ignore our natural need for rest. All of life needs the nurturing, rest and incubation of autumn and winter – time beneath the surface to sleep, heal and breathe itself back once again to the newness, freshness and fullness of spring and summer.
Just like the flower closes after it blooms, we also must learn how to surrender and do this. Just as the tree grows abundantly and births new life each year, it also knows how to let its leaves fall gently to the ground, without resistance. It understands that nothing can bloom all year round. Everything needs time to rest and heal; to sleep and dream. Because in the quiet, stillness and darkness of sleep, lies a life form of its own, at peace with the beauty and simplicity of just being.
If we could surrender to our own nature and our own natural flow, we too could breathe and live as easily and peacefully as the flowers and the trees; content and joyful in the simplicity of just being.
If we could just trust that we will always have a time to bud and bloom, then maybe we wouldn’t be so afraid of entering that much-needed space of quiet, rest and softness in ourselves and in our lives.
If we could just learn to allow each other and allow ourselves the gift of true surrender, then perhaps there wouldn’t be such fighting in our outer and inner worlds.
So, I ask you to surrender with me in 2018.
Surrender to the gentle rhythms, seasons and cycles that are taking place within you.
Surrender to the nurturing of your body, mind and soul.
Surrender to your vulnerability, your fears, your sadness and tears; your strength, your power, your joy, laughter and love.
Surrender to the nature and the wilderness that lives, breathes, sleeps and dreams inside the beautiful soil of You.
If you resist, get scared, lonely or tired, then just know that you are not alone. Because I too, will be breathing the same air as you, living the same seasons as you, dancing the same rhythms as you, honouring the same cycles as you, and surrendering to the same natural flow. Even in my resistance, fear, loneliness and tiredness, I still surrender. So, surrender with me, and watch the delicate beauty of your life unfold before you, in all its natural simplicity and fierce tenderness.
Happy New Year to you, my friend.
May 2018 bring us all the gift of surrender.
<3
You can buy a copy of Maria Grace's novel White Petals at www.amazon.co.uk or www.fireflypress.co.uk
