The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
it's "put a hoodie on so i don't have to put a bra on" season.
— king crissle (@crissles) December 1, 2017
How my mom and I watch Hallmark movies:
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 27, 2017
"Look at his/her stupid face"
"This plot is so dumb"
"This snow is so fake"
End of the movie: both sobbing
I Did Not Think I Could Live Without A Microwave But Hey, It's Been Seven Months And I'm Thriving; I Guess 2017 Really *Was* The Year Of Revelation: A Memoir
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) November 26, 2017
my family's Christmas card this year lmao pic.twitter.com/A2L7wfsprN
— Emily Seawright (@cantseawright) November 26, 2017
QUICK LITMUS TEST ON WHETHER IT IS FLIRTING OR NOT: where are your pants
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 30, 2017
I'm just a girl
— Geraldine (@everywhereist) November 30, 2017
standing in front of a boy
asking him to not whip his dick out
especially in work contexts
I mean, honestly
this should all go without saying
My motto is, “I need to buy new bras.”
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 28, 2017
an advent calendar but every day it's a new fired man and on christmas it's santa
— Kelly Conaboy (@kellyconaboy) November 29, 2017
My sister is 90% done with her Christmas shopping and I am 90% done with this bottle of vodka.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 28, 2017
once in a fiction workshop my professor critiqued a scene because "women wouldn't ask about a hookup's performance in bed" and a girl replied "that's literally the first thing you talk about" and the way he said "oh" will stay with me til i die
— JINGLE🎄BELLISON (@girlinabasement) November 28, 2017
it’s a poor argument but if you’re going to make it, it should technically be a warlock hunt
— Sapna Maheshwari (@sapna) November 29, 2017
Yes, I have a playlist called "You Don't Deserve A Bullet" and yes I listen to it when I punch things, and yes, I'm accepting recommendations for said playlist.
— Jenavieve Hatch (@jenavievehatch) November 29, 2017
Shout-out to everybody who had visitors to a big city over the long weekend and showed them how to stand to the right on the escalators and walk on the left.
— Laura Helmuth (@laurahelmuth) November 27, 2017
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) November 27, 2017
*opens can of spaghetti sauce and pours it on noodles* i am a chef
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 28, 2017
Wondering what to get that celebrity man in your life for Christmas this year? Consider COMEUPPANCE!
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 29, 2017
me before and after i saw beyonce live for the first time pic.twitter.com/HbyC1xIAgp
— Ziwe (@ziwe) November 30, 2017
No thanks, malls. I shop from home without pants like a normal person.
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 25, 2017
Challenge: a sadder 3 bodega item list than batteries, cat litter, and butter
— erin 🎄🎶gloria🎶🎄 ryan (@morninggloria) November 28, 2017
If getting my winter body ready means it looks like a snowman, mine's ready.
— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) November 29, 2017
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