As the tenth anniversary approaches, parents may worry about how to have a conversation with their child about this sad event. I recommend that you frame it in such a way that you're not producing unnecessary anxiety for your child, but providing them with enough detail to satisfy their curiosity or concerns. After the terrorist attacks of 9/11, I was a provider of crisis counseling services to children, teachers and parents under a Project Liberty grant to my agency, The New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NYSPCC)
Here are my suggestions.
- Let them know you are there to listen to their questions and concerns. Some children will talk and some won't. Both of these reactions are okay. What children need is reassurance that you are available to answer their questions when they are ready to discuss 9/11.
Here are a few scenarios to think about.
- If your child becomes upset after reading the newspaper or watching TV, encourage them to discuss their feelings. Normalize and validate them. Don't try to "correct" them. There is no right or wrong feelings and each child's will be different.
- Contact person(s) in case of an emergency. What will happen if they are in school or you are in work or separated from them. Who is the "go to" at that time?
- The meeting location if family members are separated.
- How to call 911 if an emergency happens in the home.
- Emergency supplies that you keep at home, medicine, money and a cell phone, canned food, water, flashlight, battery operated radio, first aid kit, etc.
Review the plan with your child when it is NOT an emergency so they can digest it and ask questions that may come up before an emergency arises.
Keep tabs on yourself. You probably have strong feelings about the anniversary too. Anniversary reactions such as intrusive thoughts, being hyper-vigilant, or trying to avoid reminders about 9/11 are common. It's okay to share how you are feeling with your children. You will serve as a role model for them and reassure them that these hard conversations are possible.
For more information about keeping your child safe visit The NYSPCC's website www.nyspcc.org