There is an epidemic of outrage going around. Politicians on both the right and left rale against rivals in their own party, as well as the opposition. People on each side of every issue, from guns to police protocols to health care to education, rant and rave. Social media feeds on Facebook and Twitter feel like toxic waste dumps where people spew hatred and anger that, not only doesn't move the conversation forward, but foments more hatred and anger.
Being outraged about injustice and expressing it freely is the essence of being an American. But respect is also an important value. It is so easy when sitting alone in front of the screen to write what you feel -- unvarnished and untempered. No one is directly in front of you reacting to your words and expressing joy or horror. It's also easy to forget that once you hit the send button, ugly words can go far and never disappear.
The Internet gives us awesome power to share thoughts with people around our city and across the country and the globe. But it's a power that needs to be used carefully, because with the click of a button reputations can be destroyed, jobs lost, and friendships torn apart.
There is a difference between an honest engagement in constructive dialogue -- which may even become heated -- and the tossing of verbal bombs. If you're fuming at injustice or wrong-doing, angry at an acquaintance, outraged by political behavior, or frustrated by big bureaucracy, here are six secrets for sharing your thoughts in a constructive way.
1. Think about what is really bothering you and focus on that. Say, for instance, that you are upset by poor customer service. Talking about your experience, your frustration and disappointment in how you are treated is one thing. Calling the company names and using every expletive in the book is not only just plain wrong, but counterproductive and unlikely to win a quick fix. Don't let anger distract you. You might feel good for a few minutes but it will not correct the situation.
2. Apply the "Get-Up-and-Walk-Around Rule." Before hitting send, get up, leave your screen, and walk around for at least 10 minutes. When you come back, see if what you wrote is really what you want to say and how you want to say it.
3. Tap into a lifeline. Before sending your post, ask a trusted colleague, friend, or family member to read it. If they're in the same space with you, you can also see their reaction as they view it.
4. Put the "Jumbotron Rule" into play. Would you want to see your words and your picture show up on the mega-screen at your favorite sporting event or concert? If not, hit delete.
5. Accept the consequences. If you still decide to throw your verbal Molotov cocktail, be prepared for the consequences -- like loss of friends, job, or reputation. And if it comes down to it, don't play the blame game. Be accountable for your words.
6. Don't count on an apology as a big fix. If you do end up hurting someone -- whether it's their feelings or reputation or something more dire -- don't expect that just saying you're sorry will make it all better. Apologies are important, but they don't erase pain. And if you have done serious damage, tossing out a "sorry" can be like using a fire extinguisher to contain a four-alarm inferno. Much more than issuing an apology, you'll need to engage in a frank conversation or more. And you must show by your actions that you really do regret what you said.
We need our social media to be powerful tools for commanding attention to injustice, expressing outrage, and demanding change. The keystroke really can be mightier than the sword. But taking a moment to pause and think before engaging can make the difference between the recipient ranting back at you, hitting the delete button or, imagine that, having a constructive dialogue.