In my posts up until now, I have given you "real life" scenarios around end of life issues. I hope that you have been thinking about what your preferences would be were you to find yourself in one of those situations. Yes, there are many other scenarios that I could give you that cover a gamut of events that could or might occur. But, it is time, instead, to move from the abstract to the real. In other words, it is time to start thinking about having "those" conversations with the ones you love.
Hopefully, you have come to realize that you are not "saving" your loved ones from anything by not having these conversations. In fact, you may be putting more on them by not letting them know about your preferences. As I have written before, the greatest gift you can give your loved ones is to let them know what your wishes are concerning how you want your body treated as you near the end of life -- and doing so while you are healthy.
When I lead workshops on completing advance directives, I ask people to prayerfully consider the following questions and to remember that God will be present with them throughout this process:
- What is important to YOU in order for your life to have meaning for YOU?
This last question may be the most important one that you answer, because who you select can make all the difference. If you select someone who you know will be thinking of what your preferences are, then it is more likely that they will make the decisions that they think you would want them to make. Some people don't want their immediate family member to make the decisions because of the emotions that will be present when the decisions have to be made (but also ask that the agent discuss the situation with the family before making a decision, but not leave the final decision up to the family members). Some people only want their immediate family member to make the decisions. Some parents know which child would do what they asked be done, and which child would or could not make what might be difficult decisions. This is an individual decision that you need to consider in a prayerful manner.
By the way, in most states, if you name your doctor, he or she will not be able to continue as your doctor.
If you don't name a health care agent, most states have a surrogate decision making law, which gives priority to someone from your family (or a close friend) who will make decisions for you in the event you are unable to make them yourself. This is the priority list used when a surrogate decision maker is appointed: spouse, if not legally separated from the patient, or the domestic partner (in some states), a son or daughter 18 or older, a parent, a brother or sister 18 or older, or close friend. Some people do not want the person who has priority on this list to make their decisions for them. If that is the case for you, then you have to sign a health care proxy/health care surrogate/power of attorney for health care form, so that the person that you want to have make the decisions for you, can do so legally.
You will find the forms for each states' health care proxy/health care surrogate/power of attorney for health care form at either of the two sites below - please be aware that each state is slightly (or very) different, so be sure to use the form that is for your state and follow the directions on that form.
Download the form and read through it. Most states have an agency you can contact if you have any questions. Also, when you are being admitted to a hospital for any procedure, you are supposed to be asked if you have a designated agent and if not, if you would like to complete a health care proxy form. This was established by Congress in 1991 through the Patient Self-Determination Act.
Again, as you consider all of the above questions, be sure to keep in mind that you are not moving through this process alone -- God is right by your side. But, think about this -- What do you think that God thinks of our medical technology that can prolong "life" indefinitely?