12/19/2013 09:01 am ET

What Christmas Dinner Is Like, According To Stock Photos

We are in a full-on, hot cider-fueled, recipe planning, booze buying and playlist building sprint toward Christmas. We've finally decided what to eat on Christmas, we already know what we'll we be drinking on Christmas Eve and it feels like nothing can stop the holiday cheer. Oh, except for this one thing: we got really distracted by how weird stock photos of Christmas dinner are. In fact, according to stock photos, Christmas dinner is probably one of the strangest events of the year.

We found chainsaws, turkeys burned to a crisp, manic laughter and so, so, so many headless women. Merry Christmas, guys. We hope it looks nothing like this.

  • 1 Stock Photo: "HA HA HA, look at that turkey!"
    Chris Ryan via Getty Images
    In real life: "Why the f**k are you laughing at my turkey?"
  • 2 Stock Photo: Let's just set this burnt turkey on the table anyway.
    Michael Cogliantry via Getty Images
    In real life: That turkey goes straight in the garbage, pizza gets ordered, tears get shed.
  • 3 Stock Photo: "It will be so cute to wear Santa hats all night!"
    Mike Harrington via Getty Images
  • 4 Stock Photo: "Um, dad?"
    Michael Cogliantry via Getty Images
    In real life: "Um, dad?"
  • 5 Stock Photo: The food is piping hot on the table, no one is anywhere to be found.
    Elizabeth Livermore via Getty Images
    In real life: No, this is actually exactly like real life.
  • 6 Stock Photo: "I brought you a delicious turkey!"
    Ghislain & Marie David de Lossy via Getty Images
    In real life: "WHOA LADY, HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?"
  • 7 Stock Photo: "I'm having so much fun getting tickled during dinner!"
    fstop123 via Getty Images
    In real life: Barf. Just barf, everywhere.
  • 8 Stock Photo: "I'm so excited to eat Christmas dinner."
    Lynn Koenig via Getty Images
    In real life: "Do you ever feel like you're just going to be swallowed up by darkness?"
  • 9 Stock Photo: "This year, let's let Timmy help carve the turkey. What could possibly go wrong?"
    Peter Cade via Getty Images
    In real life: Timmy is definitely about to lose a thumb.
  • 10 Stock Photo: Dog hops up on the table and helps himself to turkey.
    Yvonne Duivenvoorden via Getty Images
    In real life: Yeah, none of those wine glasses would still be standing. That is just not how dogs roll.
  • 11 Stock Photo: Kids eating cookies and milk.
    mediaphotos via Getty Images
    In real life: We're supposed to believe that these kids -- who cannot even drink milk without getting it all over their faces -- kept this white tablecloth this pristine? I'm sorry, no. Also, the milk and cookies are for Santa, you ingrates.
  • 12 Stock Photo: A festive Christmas dinner.
    Lisa Thornberg via Getty Images
    In real life: WTF is going on here? Is there Christmas acid at play?
  • 13 And then there are the Headless Turkey Women of Christmas Dinner.
    Sarah Bossert via Getty Images
  • 14 No, seriously, there are a lot of these.
    Lew Robertson via Getty Images
  • 15 There are more of them than we ever would have imagined.
    Brand X Pictures via Getty Images
  • 16 So many of them that it's making us uncomfortable.
    Brian Leatart via Getty Images
  • 17 Who are these Headless Women? Do you think there is a support group?
    Lisa Peardon via Getty Images
  • 18 Thanks for all the Christmas turkeys throughout history, Headless Women.
    FPG via Getty Images
  • 19 Stock Photo: We eat all the food, drink all the wine and fall asleep on the table.
    Judith Haeusler via Getty Images
    In real life: Seems legit.

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