Regardless of how you came to be a single mom; divorce, death or decision (or even if you are thinking about embarking on the journey to becoming a solo parent) the road is a challenging one. There are no two ways about it. But, living your life as a single mom is one of the most joyful roles any woman can experience. How does one get to that happy place? It takes a lot of patience, fortitude, energy and confidence. There are many ways you can learn to embody these attributes, but there is one critical step I'd like to share with you. It's the rock solid foundation for building a happily even after and becoming a single mom superstar.
Ready for it? Know exactly who you are.
Seems simple right? You've got your vitals down pat; name, age, address, titles (mom, daughter, sister, aunt, etc). You may even know your blood type. But that's not what I'm talking about. I mean digging deep to get an understanding of you; your core values and beliefs and a clear picture of your wants vs. needs.
Moms tend to be stellar nurturers for everyone else, but frequently relegate ourselves to the point of non-existent. This is particularly prevalent for women who've been in a long term marriage or relationship or if you've been a single mom by choice and gotten wrapped up in the overwhelm of raising a child on your own. When the relationship ends or the child goes off to school, you might find yourself lost in an identity crisis. Reuniting with your truly vital vitals can be not only eye opening, but a profound reawakening. It's invigorating and fun too.
Here's the deal:
We all know that your DNA determines such things as your height, hair and eye color. Genomes are responsible for unique characteristics or personality traits like determination, organization and empathy. These are frequently categorized as your strengths or weaknesses. I like to call your best assets or strengths, your pretty little details. And the not so favorable traits or weaknesses your unmentionables. For example; were you the girl who got an "A" in algebra, but couldn't draw a bunny to save her life? Or were you Frieda Kahlo reincarnate (with better eyebrows!), but couldn't spell a word correctly to save her life (Thank God for spell check)? Are you blessed with perfectly creamy unblemished skin, but a little too much junk in the trunk? Or are you the svelte size 4 who needs a shot or two of Botox right between the eyes?
So how do we get clarity on who we are and what we love most about ourselves? It requires some deep reflection and a serious personal assessment session with yourself.
Here are three simple steps.
1. You'll need paper and a pen, this is a handwritten experience rather than a typed affair.
Write down all your pretty little details? Take your time and spell them out in every detail, right down to your sexy baby toe, it's all good and it all counts.
Then write down your unmentionables. Again, take your time. Be super honest. No one else is going to read this paper but you, so it's okay to reveal your warts and all.
Choose which pretty little details you want to highlight and embellish. Consider those you would like to mollify or adapt. For example, if you are a people pleaser, but it works for you, stick with it, but make a commitment to yourself to only please those people who will truly appreciate your kindness.
2. Next, it's time to plot out your unmentionables. Perhaps some of them are not adaptable, like being two inches too short for your liking. Maybe you actually like some of them, like being a perfectionist. Others you might find you are ready to give up, adapt or surgically alter. Maybe you've had a bump on your nose since childhood. If the time is right, your finances are in order and you're clear mentally about embarking in a surgical procedure, you might want to see about a nose job. You're never too old and there is no shame in shameless self-improvement!
3. Finally, create a plan for yourself with a timeline on how and when you want to make all your adaptations. A word of caution. Go easy on yourself. Time is on your side, there is no rush. If you want to have lasik surgery, so you won't have to wear glasses anymore, that's great. But you don't necessarily need to schedule the surgery tomorrow. You can plan it for 3 months from now. Just be sure that when you do make the commitment for the change, you stick with it.
Having a clear picture of your pretty little details and unmentionables is a great way to start your very own personal single mom superstar project. Want to learn more ways to become a single mom superstar? Sign up for the Single Mom Superstar Webinar series before August 25, 2012 and receive a free gift! Join the conversation now, sign up here.