It seems strange to say this, considering we're talking about grown men and women who think that you can fall in love with someone out of group of strangers on national television -- but this week we wanted to make sure that everyone was there for the "right reasons".
What are the "right reasons" to use a reality show? Frankly, I haven't seen it work effectively unless they're on Jeopardy! and got the Final Jeopardy question right and wagered more than the difference between first and second place plus one dollar. But if these yahoos are going to "try to find love," I'm not sure what more needs to be said about it than "don't have a girlfriend during the show."
The speculation swirls around Wes, who claimed during the pre-Rose ceremony, "he's clean," -- you know, like a countertop or an unarmed informant. The sadness that can be the Internet at times claims that the end to this saga has been revealed -- we won't play spoilers with you. Whatever happened to waiting to see what happens? Anyway...
You knew things were serious when Jillian canceled the rest of the pre-Rose ceremony cocktail party. Jillian turning down cocktails? That's like People magazine turning down an exclusive photo of Jon Gosselin beating up a nun.
Tanner was able to stop talking about feet for more than 45 seconds -- and ratted out the "guys". That's right, the foot fetish is in danger of being replaced by his snitch status as the most repulsive trait of Tanner. So what was his stool pigeoning? Vague and unfounded, Tanner refused to "designate" names. Still Jillian was so intrigued that she gave him a rose to find out more -- at least, that's the only plausible reason to keep Tanner around.
The bachelors and Ms. Harris stamped their passports and headed to Jillian's hometown: Vancouver, British Columbia (that's in Canada). The first and only one-on-one date with Ms. Harris went to Kiptyn. They kayaked and cooked authentic Vancouver-ian pasta -- with some tomato sauce. In a new wrinkle, there was a two-on-one date with a caged deathmatch-like ending: two guys go on the date, only one gets a rose. The two were McDreamy's younger bro, Mike and the virtually unheard of Mark. Mark went into the date unsure and uncomfortable, no small part due to Juan telling him beforehand that he'd go home. After yet another helicopter ride, and in a huge upset, Mark got the rose.
The group date consisted of the doofuses playing curling. Curling is a mostly Canadian sport -- and Jillian's Canadian, get it? The winning team (using both "winning" and "team" very loosely) was free to spend the evening with Jillian while the losers went back to the hotel as Jesse got the last pre-Ceremony rose.
After some bluster and Bachelors making statements about being there for "the right reasons," Jillian gave roses to the remaining Bachelors -- except for Juan and David. That's right ,Captains Cheese-Ass and Meathead are gone, and with them the best hope of fisticuffs. Sigh.
Big Winner: Kiptyn (12 points)
Kiptyn was the only Bachelor to get over 10 Bachelor Points this week, and he made it look effortless. No really, we think he forgot about the show, the roses and the cameras. If he were to peal away a mask we wouldn't be surprised Jason was underneath. ABC is like that sometimes. Honorable Mention: Jake (4 points), who managed to get away with making Jillian feel stupid for calling him perfect. She's gotta stop blacking out and complimenting the Pilot!
Big Loser: Juan (4 points)
Others were eliminated, but none was more shocking than Juan. In retrospect, he shouldn't have gone with the all black suit -- he was a top hat and handle bar mustache away from looking like this guy. Honorable Mention: Dave (5 points), who did manage to get bleeped on his roseless way out. Not quite sure what his "game" was, but we think it only works in the really really dirty strip clubs.
Don't forget, we liveblog each week so join us for realtime commentary and Bachelor Point tallying!
Scoreboard:
With both team namesakes gone, Team Ryan and Team Stef are going back to their old names, but not their old way. Team Ryan, fueled by a larger roster, had the larger weekly point total for the first time, though Team Stef remains the overall leader. That trend could continue as Team Ryan pushed for a two Bachelor advantage going into next week.
Team Meathead 126 - Team Cheese-Ass 115
TEAM MEATHEAD (32 points this week, 126 overall)
KIPTYN (12, 27)
ED (4, 19)
JAKE (4, 13)
MICHAEL (4, 12)
DAVID (5, 25) ELIMINATED
MIKE (3, 12) ELIMINATED
BRAD (0, 9) ELIMINATED
TANNER F. (0, 5) ELIMINATED
SIMON (0, 2) ELIMINATED
BRIAN (0, 2) ELIMINATED
TEAM CHEESE-ASS (35 points this week, 115 overall)
WES (5, 21)
ROBBY (7, 16)
TANNER P. (5, 13)
MARK (5, 13)
REID (4, 13)
JESSE (5, 11)
JUAN (4, 19) ELIMINATED
SASHA (0, 7) ELIMINATED
MATHUE (0, 2) ELIMINATED
JULIEN (0, 0) ELIMINATED
you can find a explanation of Bachelor Points at the bottom of this post