07/06/2009 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

A Cause for Comedy: A Cause for Mild Alarm

Another day in the Obama Administration, another day closer to joining the inevitable Islamofascist caliphate that's destined to absorb us. This is what happens when you preach socialism to a nation of hard-working, sacrificing individuals.

How can one be both fascist and socialist? Sigh...what a question. Go stick your nose in some Proust, you hippie.

Just when I thought we had a few freedoms left in this frog-kissing, Arby's-hating, dystopian reality, in steps a new initiative that makes universal health care look like waterboarding.

It's called A Cause For Comedy. No, no, don't laugh yet. The name itself isn't supposed to be funny. Here's the concept. A bunch of idealistic flower people put down their peace pipes for one minute and decide to host a comedy show. You, the sucker, go and shell out $10 of your hard-earned scratch to watch an hour of penis jokes or something. Here's the communist part: they take the money earned from the show and give it to some not-for-profit organization!

Excuse me, KC and the Sunshine Band, but when I pay for a piece of entertainment, whether it be Toby Keith at the Home Depot Center or An Evening with Michelle Malkin, that money should go in the performer's pocket. If I wanted to save a family of whales or create the world's largest friendship circle, I'd do it on my own damn time. This forced charity almost makes me regret the $0.48 I put in that display for breast cancer something-or-other at the Safeway.

So A Cause For Comedy or The Jaws of Tyrany as I call it, purports to raise thousands of dollars for their featured nonprofit. The entire event is organized by Causecast, an extremist group of bleeding heart hippies. This month's event will be at the Hollywood Improv on June 11th and their organization of choice is NextAid. This fringe group claims to "implement innovative sustainable solutions to the challenges facing African children." A likely story. What about the challenges facing me? $7.99 for a 12-pack of Mountain Dew? Gimme a break!

I think it's important for everyone to know about this scam. In fact, I encourage you to go there next Thursday! That's right, I think you should actually go and see for yourself what excessive liberal rubbish these so-called "entertainers" will be spewing out at the Improv. Or, at the very least, watch them display their demonry on a live futuristic computer box broadcast:

Performing at the show: two Jews named Ben Morrison and Dan Levy, Daryl Wright, Bryan Callen, J Chris Newberg, and Whitney Cummings.

This is it, America. You must make the decision. Will you throw your money at A Cause for Comedy, sponsored by the deceptively attractive Marxists at Causecast, or will you stay true to the American spirit of selective generosity? The choice is yours.