11/03/2011 12:27 pm ET Updated Jan 03, 2012

Awesomest Anonymous Source In History Fingers Rahm Emanuel For Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Story

Hey, y'all, I know that we've just about covered all the bases in terms of who has launched this terrible smear campaign against Herman Cain in which facts that have been affirmed by the Cain campaign itself diabolically ended up on the internet. If I run down the list of suspects I have Politico, "unnamed sources," the White House, Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, and "is sexual harassment even a real thing?" But has anyone thought that Rahm Emanuel might be behind it? I thought he was behind everything!

Oh, here you go, per the Washington Times:

According to a source who is friends with the Cain campaign, not only is the Rick Perry campaign involved but also the Mayor of Chicago and former Obama White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel is likely involved with the sexual harassment accuser attacks. A friend of the Cain campaign believes a National Restaurant Association (NRA) employee out of the Chicago office leaked the story to the Perry campaign via information and influence from Mayor Rahm Emanuel's office.

I mean, did anyone consider that maybe this "Get Herman" campaign is actually the product of an awesome team-up between the Rick Perry campaign and Rahm Emanuel? The conspiracy goes all the way to the side.

Also, "a source who is friends with the Cain campaign?" Love this, Washington Times. All I feel is love for you. I just adore the way this source is just friends, generically, with the entire Cain campaign.

But as Politico's Alex Burns reports, Rahm's camp is contesting this seemingly airtight claim:

"Not only is the suggestion baseless and completely false, it is totally absurd," said Chris Mather, Emanuel's communications director, in a statement shared with POLITICO.

I don't know, this random anonymous person who is BFF with the entire campaign must be somewhat credible. How else would have this story have ended up being "hyped heavily by the Drudge Report," I ask you?

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