Marriage means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
It might seem difficult to accurately capture the experience, but the 22 tweets below manage to do it in 140 characters or less.
You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?"
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) November 4, 2016
[facebook]
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
[real life]
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
Not to brag, but my husband just came back from shopping for my birthday gift, and he was carrying a Rite Aid bag.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 30, 2016
wife: Do you think you'll ever stop quoting "Gangsta's Paradise"?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 21, 2015
me: The way things are going I don't know
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 5, 2016
I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) December 31, 2015
Wife: can you pick up milk?
— Le Scare Girdle (@LeBearGirdle) October 22, 2016
Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy
Wife: I mean from the store
Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too
Basically marriage is just hiding your favorite snacks from each other
— Flirt ;-) (@1MeLrO) September 22, 2015
Hey guys, if your wife says she's at home doing laundry, she's lying. She's at Target, they're all at Target, literally right this minute.
— BornHusky (@dlockw21) December 16, 2015
husband tries to dramatically break news by asking, "Are you sitting down?" and I'm like, sitting down is literally all I do
— Jenn (@heyevergreen) January 18, 2016
wife *opens First Aid Kit* WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 11, 2016
me [bleeding] It was funny at the time
[in bed]
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016
Me: hey, did you grab my butt
Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote
I wish there was more trust in my marriage like where I could buy produce without my wife inspecting it like she's appraising a diamond.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 2, 2016
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share
Like watching a fly trying to find an open window, only its my husband looking for something in plain sight.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) September 5, 2016
Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 14, 2016
I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.
— Blu (@TwoSapphiresBlu) November 3, 2016
-marriage
me [about to put my head on my pillow]
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 28, 2016
wife: Can you do me a favor before you lay down?
Husband secretly lowers the thermostat & I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it.
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 13, 2016
Marriage is fun.
Marriage is just a bunch of text messages back and forth asking "What time are you coming home?"
— Kateb861 (@kateb861) January 22, 2016
How to fold laundry like me:
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2016
1) Fold it in half.
2) Fold it in quarters.
3) Put it on the pile
4) Watch as my wife angrily refolds it.
Before You Go
