Whether you're just catching the Tinder flame or you're already a full blown addict, having a knowledge of the unwritten rules will help you take your love game to the NEXT LEVEL. Henceforth, you will be a Tinder master, and you'll swap unsuccessful 3 a.m. last stands at some bar for actually pulling off digital love-fueled one-night stands from the comfort of your iPhone. You'll be a shining knight of staying overnight. Or maybe at least when you're bored in your Bushwick apartment watching "Breaking Bad" reruns you'll have a better chance of a successful hook-up?
The unwritten rules...
1. Be good looking.
2. Don't be too persistent. Play it cool.
Text: How To Lose A Guy In One Tinder
3. Don't message someone "Happy Hump Day" on Wednesdays. Other days of the week maybe.
4. Use the Dwight Schrute "Money Beets" method and put your deceptively good-looking photos first.
5. Never message immediately after a match. Always wait at least 1-2 hours. Remain mysterious.
6. If you have a friend who is hotter than you are, use a photo of both of you. Keep 'em guessing and it can only help you.
7. That said, don't just have group shots because potential matches will totally swipe left if they have to try too hard to figure out who you are.
8. DON'T DRINK AND TINDER.
9. But mostly ignore that rule because turning it into a drinking game is much more fun.
10. Really you should just play the TINDER DRINKING GAME:
- Drink if you get a match.
- If you have mutual friends/interests in common drink for that many seconds.
- If you stumbled upon a person you know, everyone drinks INCLUDING THAT PERSON. Invite them over immediately.
11. Don't let your friends/coworkers "ghost Tinder" for you, or you'll end up telling a random meathead that he has "nice guns."
12. Don't get too scroll-happy lest you accidentally say "no" to a "yes" (or vice versa) -- there are absolutely no do-overs in Tinderland.
13. Don't use Tinder to fall in love. It is strictly for hookups.
14. Don't come on wayyy too strong.
15. But it's cool if you include a photo of you with Woody Allen.
16. We're not sure if this is a "do" or a "don't" but if it works for you then all the best.
17. When swiping no, you must state the reason why you are. Examples: "Too short" "Too preppy" "He'd hate my guts" "I'd hate his guts" "Is he joking with that selfie?" etc. etc.
18. When stumbling upon an ex, always swipe right just to see if you match. Then immediately block.
19. When stumbling upon a friends' ex, always swipe right to see if they are a creep. Then immediately block.
20. If you find yourself on a zombie swiping fest and you can't close the app, the next person you find you have mutual friends with is the signal that your Tinder session is over for the rest of the day.
21. You'll look like a d-bag if you use a LinkedIn-style office headshot as your default pic.
22. It's all about LOCATION so make sure you're not in an area notorious for bad hookups.
23. EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS!!
24. Don't message a girl asking if she wants to be your "new little sister."
25. Do Do Do try to include a tiger in your pic.
26. BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: Always Tinder in moderation, or there will be no more Tinder for you. #GameOver
That said, when it finally resets the possibilities will feel endless!
POTENTIAL LOVE CONNECTIONS EVERYWHERE!
Now go forth with this new knowledge and conquer the hookup world!
We're all rooting for you
Images from Getty & screenshots from personal accounts unless noted otherwise