Olivia Wilde gave her own vagina monologue last night as she overshared personal stories about her sex life during Glamour's These Girls event at Joe's Pub in New York City.
The actress, who is currently dating "Saturday Night Live" star Jason Sudeikis, literally couldn't stop talking about her private parts during a speech in which she revealed she "felt like my vagina died" after her eight-year marriage to Italian prince Tao Ruspoli ended in Sept. 2011.
“Turned off. Lights out ... And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina," Wilde continued, according to Vulture.
Awkwardly enough, Sudeikis sat in the audience as his girlfriend kept spewing out intimate details about their love life and her lesbian adventures. She confessed that she was so lonely after her divorce that she considered having “a soft kind of lesbian relationship, just gentle kissing and scissoring” until she met Sudeikis, with whom she fell “blissfully, hopefully, wildly in love." The 28-year-old also shared how happy she was with the 37-year-old actor, gushing, "We have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.” Oh.
Here's what else she had to say in her monologue titled, "Olivia Land: a relationship Utopia":
In Olivia Land, relationships can legally only last seven years, without an option to renew. That way it never goes stale. Can you imagine, if we only had seven years? We’d be so nice to each other, so kind, and appreciative and enthusiastic, like we were eating a really expensive bowl of pasta! And in Olivia Land people wouldn’t cheat nearly as much because there wouldn’t be the threat of spending forever with one bedfellow. It just wouldn’t be legal. There’s the issue of kids. Okay this is fun.
In Olivia Land, all the kids go to boarding school at seven. It’s like in Harry Potter!
I would like to legalize prostitution. Hiring a sex worker in Olivia Land would be as easy, hygienic, and inexpensive as getting a pedicure. That way when away on business or just not in the mood, we could just hire a hooker for our loved one and keep them uninterested in cheating and keep them satisfied. These particular hookers would obviously have to be mute and possibly cross-eyed.
In Olivia Land, the streets are paved with dark chocolate, and all the people are free of body hair and menstrual cramps.”
After the show, Wilde confirmed that although she wishes she could actually live in this fantasy land she's created, she knows it's not possible. “Ultimately, the monologue was supposed to suggest that Olivia Land doesn’t work either," she explained to Vulture. But still, she believes a woman's vagina will tell her when it's time to move on and find yourself another mate.
"Sometimes your vagina dies," Olivia said. “Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that." She ended with: "[Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.”
TMI, TMI, TMI ...