Dancin' To The Jailhouse Rock: Rod's Remix

Aug 23, 2010 | Updated May 25, 2011

In the City of Angels, we've heard it said
(Words which still ring in Marcia Clark's head):
"If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!"
But in Chi-town this week, how'd the defense do it?

There was no smoking gun at the 11th hour
Did the prosecutor's strategy simply go sour?
Found guilty on just one count (he refused to cop a plea)
Jury was deadlocked on the other twenty three

A crushing disappointment for Patrick Fitzgerald
Certainly not a verdict his office will herald
Who'd have thought he'd get away with just a single conviction
For such blatant dereliction

An auction was held to pay his storage fees
A life-sized statue of the King brought in 20 Gs!!
Also raising cash, a neon sign he did save
And a painting of Abe Lincoln (who'd roll over in his grave)

To Meredith Vieira: "I've done absolutely nothing wrong."
(I was just a target! In jail I don't belong!)
He looks forward to seeking "vindication"
While his abhorrent actions shame our nation

The U.S attorney intends to retry
(This is a persecution! It is all a lie!)
Claiming he merely engaged in "political horse trading"
Her questions he wasn't adept at evading

Your team called you a "dim bulb," what'd you think about that?
Stuttering and spinning, in Today's guest chair he sat
Will you treat us to more reality TV??
Appears his first interview didn't go so swimmingly

Mr. ex-gov-of-Illinois
(With a mop of hair like a twelve year old boy)
Praised the Lord for the lone holdout juror
Who created in the jury box quite a furor

For fourteen days they did deliberate
In their hands rested this buffoon's fate
Only eleven were angry (as it turned out)
Convinced of his guilt, of that there's no doubt

Heard Blago's on the hunt now for more Senate seats to sell
So he can pay his legal bills and tell us all to go to hell
He faces up to five years for lying to the feds
On retrial, let's get some jurors who've got something in their heads!