After months of speculation, political contender Almost Anyone Else has finally entered the race for the Republican Presidential nomination. "The American people are unimpressed with the present field of candidates," said Almost Anyone Else spokesperson Matt Garibeldo. "Who should they turn to now instead of the current Republican hopefuls? The choice is clear: Almost Anyone Else."
Since the announcement, Almost Anyone Else has zoomed to 98 percent approval ratings **, although the candidate has yet to reveal a platform, give an interview, serve in public office, or be seen or heard by any person in the country. "This simply confirms Almost Anyone Else's highly desirable outsider status and refusal to play by the government's rules," says Republican strategist James Moltven. "Rick Perry and Mitt Romney are okay, but they just don't have the charisma and overwhelming appeal of Almost Anyone Else."
Despite Almost Anyone Else's widespread popularity, some are doubtful about the new candidate's long-term prospects. "Compared to the current front-runners, Almost Anyone Else certainly looks good on paper," says Tea Party member Lucille Ogdenborne. "But, I still have hopes that Anyone Other Than Almost Anyone Else will eventually enter the race."
** five percent margin of error