Real Life,We Need A Card For That

Real Life,We Need A Card For That
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When I was younger, I loved Hallmark commercials. They would strike a chord and some would even bring me to tears. I would purposely stop what I was doing and take the time to watch. Getting wrapped up in the warm fuzzy feeling leading me to believe that the world was a perfect place full of perfect people.

That was until real life slapped me with a dose of reality. My happily ever after turned out to be not so happy. The life I dreamed about was nothing like the one I'd been handed. My perfect family shattered by a cheating husband. The perfect home and white picket fence, here one day and gone the next. Yet, Hallmark continued portraying a fantasy that was nothing like the reality most of us live.

Every holiday had its commercial. All with the perfectly dressed people. Everyone smiling sitting around a perfectly set table. Even the kids are behaving. Not like any family gathering I've ever attended. No talk of politics or religion. No raised voices or arguments going on in Hallmark land. No kids spilling milk or having a meltdown while their stressed out parents desperately tried to clean up the mess. Nope, everyone down to the family dog was absolutely perfect.

I remember my first Valentines Day after my divorce. Walking into the Hallmark store was like having someone run their fingers down a chalk board. My boys both needed special cards and hearts that were only sold in their store. So here I am single and broken-hearted watching all the men and women gushing over finding that perfect card or gift for their loved one. Thanks Hallmark. Do you have a section for us losers? Anything for first time divorcees? How about a section of real life cards. How about a hate card to the man or woman who screwed up your dreams. Do you make a card for a child to send to their parents who've walked out the door never to return?

Nope, not Hallmark. It's all just blue sky's and fantasy land. Then as if the commercials weren't bad enough, the Hallmark channel came to be. Now we had an expanded view of the fantasy all playing out to the perfect ending. Those broken hearted people always managed to find the perfect love. Children found perfect step parents. Even stray dogs found the perfect home. Mothers and daughters were reunited, couples reconciled. Almost like the Stepford Wives, everything perfect and everyone finding their happily ever after.

Christmas was always the worst for me. Those commercials were back and once again reminded me of what I no longer had. The two parent family celebrating the holiday. Kids running down the stairs to a tree full of gifts while two happy parents watched from a distance holding hands. Many families share custody of their children. Packing them up at whatever time agreed upon and shuffling them between houses. My boys would spend mornings with me, having breakfast and opening gifts. Just when we were settling in I would have to pack them up and watch their father drive them away. Turning on the TV and seeing the fairy tale family would throw me into a funk and I would spend the rest of the holiday evening feeling like the biggest failure. Friends would call, sharing my dilemma. We would laugh then cry calling them "Hallmark moments".

Just when we started to recover from the Perfect Christmas blues, New Years hit and once again we were reminded of our plight as single, divorced or widowed women. Hallmark again flooding our minds with what should be, but is not. The happy couples clinking glasses and toasting each other. Sharing loving glances and a kiss.

I always wondered if those who wrote for Hallmark ever experienced real life. Were they unaware of the impact their commercials and cards had on people in the not so perfect world. If you weren't depressed before a commercial you certainly would be after. The idea that every family consisted of two parents, two children, living grandparents and a multitude of friends was pure fantasy.
I remember having dinner with my single friends. We were all ages with different stories. Some divorced, some widowed, all feeling so inadequate that we could not live up to the perfect world portrayed by the advertising of the Hallmark Corporation. Upset that our kids would watch and question why our family was different.

Let's not forget Mother's Day. Once again as if by magic every mother and daughter had the perfect bond. Sharing lunch and laughter. Mani's and Pedi's. Everything coming up roses in Hallmark land. Those were the commercials that really got me. Hey Hallmark! Not every mother and daughter are in love. Some aren't even in like. I remember spending more time trying to find the perfect card for my mom. We had the "tolerate each other" type of relationship. My mother and I are oil and water. She is black and white and I am grey. Each card I picked up reminded me of the relationship I didn't have with my mom. She wasn't my best friend, she was my critic. She wasn't always there for me, but she constantly reminded me of my mistakes. I remember going through so many cards that the saleswoman asked if I needed help. I chuckled and shared my dilemma. "Honey, she said, Hallmark don't have a card like that!"

With age comes wisdom, with wisdom comes acceptance. I have grown to actually like myself. I accept my past for what it was and know I made lemonade out of those lemons life handed me many years ago. Imagine my surprise while looking for a baby shower card. I grabbed one quickly and realized it was for two moms. A lesbian couple having a baby. Wow, I turned it over and saw that famous Hallmark label. Good job Hallmark. Welcome to the real world.

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