I distinctly remember being threatened with a bar of soap as a kid, and locking myself in the bathroom to avoid said penalty. What word had embossed my forehead and dirtied my tongue with "bad girl" status? I can't remember. Honestly. The topic of using swear words is controversial, and do I think I'll have the last word? No. But I'm going to try anyway.
The problem is this. When you come at this topic, or any topic with awareness instead of judgement, it becomes another moment in time you can use as an opportunity to grow, or not. What's the problem with that? Nothing. That's the solution. The problem is thinking anything, including using swear words, has the meaning you've been taught it has and that that meaning is the "right" one.
Lets wrap this topic in awareness, please. Being in full expression of your magnificent, divine self means so many different things...about 8 billion different things actually. So let's say half of you see a swear word as just a word, and don't put a lot of meaning on it. You take it as an expression of the individual that marks a brief moment in time and all the feeling, emotion and situation tied up in it. You don't take offense or anything about it personally. You understand that it's more about the person writing or saying it.
Let's say the other half of you sees swear words as an offense; an ugly, unnecessary, rude expression meant to inflict pain on others and you feel triggered and opinionated about it, really believing that other people shouldn't do it. You might believe that it's unprofessional, or that it shows that the person using the word is bad, uneducated, or wrong in some way.
Who's right?
Well, you, of course.
You get me? Do you get how neither is, and both are right? It's taken me a while (like 40 years) to get to the point I can feel, instead of react to, moments. When I take the story and meaning I've been taught to think out of the feeling, then every moment is just a feeling. When I attach meaning to my moment, I'm doomed into false thinking that I'm right about something. I'm only right about what feels right to me.
The only thing I can really do here, on this earth, is stand up for what feels right to me.
When posing this question on my Facebook wall I got what I expected; every single possible opinion. I knew when I posted that the people who resonate with a strategically-placed swear word would tell me that to be true to myself and my unfiltered self-expression is the way to go. I also knew that I'd read comments about why people thought it was wrong.
I believe the last word about swear words should be awareness. It really doesn't matter what topic we're on, it has to do with how you're feeling and reacting to something, and whether or not you can have your opinion, express it, and not take the opinion of others personally, even when that opinion begins to feel like an attack on you.
One of the best things about life is a great, passionate, engaged conversation about a topic that there are two heated sides to. It's the best when both parties agree to stay open, curious and respectful; when they speak and listen; when they wrap the words and emotions in awareness as they go.
There's nothing better than one of these conversations.
They're healing.
They're important.
So I'm going to fall back into my personal story now; one of being taught to stay quiet and good. It was with the best of intentions that my parents taught me the appropriate way to behave. Unfortunately what comes of a little girl not allowed to speak or fully express her opinions; or worse, made to feel bad, that her opinions were wrong or somehow punishable - well, maybe you get the point.
We try to be the best people, and parents, we can be. We teach what we're taught, and believe to be, the things we think good people are, to our kids. We try to mold them into those good people. But sometimes our definitions of good, right, perfect or appropriate don't work like we think they will. We begin to feel tight. It feels like we're in a cage.
I didn't used to use swear words, ever. If I did, they slipped out with best girlfriends after the sufficient amount of wine and only in that company. Using them now? Therapeutic. I'm convinced that screaming them at the top of my lungs and/or using them to describe a way to feel inspired about healing your life in my writing is necessary for me. They release a piece, a layer, that has smothered my soul since that day I locked myself in that bathroom.
Will I continue to do it? I'm going to let my soul decide what it needs by honoring the moment and letting my voice be out loud as necessary, no matter what words find their way out of that pit. Appropriate? Mmmm...possibly not. Necessary for my survival? Definitely. Will I ever use them for any other purpose than to heal myself and the world? No, unless you happen upon me after a couple glasses of wine with my BFF's, then all bets are off.
Here are 39 last words about using swear words in your writing. These nuggets of wisdom came from my Facebook friends (writers, bloggers, readers and lovers of life) when I asked for their opinions about getting negative feedback after expressing myself with a swear word. I love you guys.
1. Writing from your heart is authentic. People will always find reasons to be offended. Be you and ignore all the rest. ~Jill
2. People's opinion is their issue...you needn't make it yours. We choose to be offended or not - nobody does it to us. ~Sue
3. Those who like it will get it. Those who don't won't. ~Tamara
4. Do what feels right to you. You'll never make everyone happy. ~Kim
5. Breathe into your deepest, truest self and let that flow. Don't worry about being professional. Worry about being you. ~Kelly
6. Let it out. You will weed out the readers your words don't resonate with. ~Ryan
7. Negative feedback doesn't always mean we have to change what we're saying or how we're saying it. It means we're triggering something in our audience. ~Deb
8. Words have power, some of us use them for different reasons, like spelling, but no word should be judged. ~Diana
9. Your job is to share your life experience, and perhaps someone who is following your path will read it and gain insight from it, making their path easier. ~Diana
10. Be you. That's what people need. ~Rachel
11. Always be authentic in your work. It may not be for some or even most, but your people will find you and love you for it. ~Amanda
12. Be who you are and write what you feel - not everyone's work of art resonates with everyone. ~Erica
13. It doesn't make us inauthentic to use our words with care and attention. ~Jim
14. Your work isn't forced upon anyone. Those who don't connect can move on. ~Aline
15. Authenticity is to be admired, not discouraged. ~Ginette
16. Everything coming out of someone's mouth is their opinion and mostly about themselves. Her opinion does not cancel your expression. ~Diana
17. The minor details that make me "me" are what weed out the people who will find value in my approach from those who won't. ~Esther
18. One of the keys to inner peace is through accepting every part of you. ~Susan
19. If folks don't like what you write/say, they don't have to read it. ~Larry
20. You are and should be 100% free to write how and what you want or else you stifle the emotion and spirit behind the words and only bind you up. ~Shawn
21. Remember that one person is not everyone. ~Amy
22. In life, there will always be people who disagree with us, or may be offended by something we say -- but if we choose to write, it's a risk worth taking. ~Susan
23. Do NOT censor yourself for other people, especially when it feels right and natural to you. ~Nicholas
24. Some of the most talented people in the world have been critiqued and criticized beyond belief. People still love them. ~Deborah
25. Write openly and honesty, it's your voice. ~Shannon
26. Be you and you will attract your tribe. ~Ngina
27. You're a writer. That is the type of profession you're aiming at. Find your words. Rock them. ~Jodi
28. We need to get over ourselves. Don't take anything personally. ~Sharry
29. It's not your job to make the world a PG rated place. ~Nanea
30. If you have to change who you are, then you are not the right fit for them. ~Trisha
31. If you live your life for other peoples approval, you will always be chasing your happiness. ~Amanda
32. Whether or not you swear has nothing to do with the openness of your heart or ability to help someone. ~Martha
33. If your words are true to you, then that's all that matters. ~Ronda
34. Healing isn't all butterflies and glitter. The words you choose tell me that you're serious about the work you do. ~Ashley
35. Its called Freedom of Expression for a reason. ~Trish
36. I choose authenticity and I do it my way - the opinion of others is none of my business. ~Sue
37. Judgement and criticism can be honest jabs at disingenuous writing or a means to maneuver writing to provide less discomfort for the reader. ~Patricia
38. Some people just don't speak your language, and that's okay. ~Nicole
39. Your authentic voice and unfiltered self-expression is the gateway to a revolution of spontaneous consciousness. For you. And the world. ~Torrie
The last words on this topic? Be you. That's it. Don't apologize for it. Don't let other's opinions stop you from shining your awesome light onto the world. Look Mom, no swear words this time!