The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
open letters are never the answer
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) July 6, 2015
Nothing will bring your spirit back to life like tacos, Channing Tatum's pelvic thrusts, and lemon potatoes, in that order.
— Sarah Conley | Rascal Honey (@imsarahconley) July 6, 2015
The bad thing about mimosas is that they have too much orange juice in them.
— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) July 4, 2015
Follow your dreams! Unless you're over thirty. Then it's like, yikes.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) July 6, 2015
now seems like a good time to ask what stocks are
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) July 8, 2015
I’m considering shattering my iPhone screen just so no one asks me to hold their baby.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) July 8, 2015
My tea said "be yourself" so naturally I chugged my tea and filled the mug with ice cream. #honestea pic.twitter.com/WYetlblssB
— Jess Dickerson (@Jayedilla) July 9, 2015
Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 9, 2015
How can I expect my body to be bikini ready when it's not even get-out-of-bed ready???
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) July 8, 2015
It feels really off-brand that I haven't already seen Magic Mike
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) July 4, 2015
For someone who's supposedly a grown-up, I sure spend a lot of time wishing there was a middle finger emoji.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) July 10, 2015
Porn music should play when you unwrap a candy bar.
— Jane (@jane_bot) July 8, 2015
I feel like when life gives me lemons I just give them back because I hate holding stuff.
— Jamie A. Lee (@TheJamieLee) July 7, 2015
Me: Siri, why am I alone?
— moody monday (@mdob11) July 8, 2015
Siri: *opens front facing camera*
My heart pounds at the illicit encounter. I glance over my shoulder- he's watching. I quickly set the cat down and look guiltily at the dog.
— mug reheater (@findmydolls) July 10, 2015
My hair could best be described as, "whatever Britney saw in the mirror that caused her to have a mental break and shave it all off."
— Misstlovestrinkets (@mstluvstrinkets) July 9, 2015
Saw an old lady trip on her flip flop and take out a whole troop of boy scou...ok it was me.
— Ahad OC (@semple42) July 9, 2015
[Headline] Armpit Hair Becomes Trendy for Women
— Marl (@Marlebean) July 9, 2015
Busy moms everywhere: "Yesssss"
Keep calm and- Wait. It took you how long to notice your wife's new haircut? Ok. Yeah. You should probably go ahead and panic.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 9, 2015
What if the band was called Panic! At The Disco And Also The Restaurant And My Apartment And You Know What Pretty Much Everywhere
— Julia, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed (@becauseimjewish) July 6, 2015
shout out to all the randoms who friend me on Facebook it's a kind of bravery i'll never know
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) July 6, 2015
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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