18 Undeniable, Hilarious Truths About Fatherhood

"I'm Late!"

- Me, ever since I had kids

— The Walking Dad (@RealDMK) April 21, 2015

What's the difference between a zombie and a father of a newborn? Not much at this point.

— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) March 21, 2014

Fatherhood is 80% trying not to get kicked, elbowed, kneed, or punched in the balls by your own kids.

— Shawn (@BackpackingDad) February 22, 2014

“Teaching my kids to eat healthy is basically me saying, 'It's too late for me, save yourself!'”

— Nate Smith (@bestnatesmith) February 4, 2014

An unexpected element of parenting is regressing to your college years with respect to how often you shower and change your clothes.

— david galea (@galeamonster) May 24, 2015

"Daddy, I wanna be like you when I grow up"

"You better hope your mother doesn't hear you say that"

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 13, 2015

Parenting is telling other people they have to pee.

— Jason L Blair (@jasonlblair) May 25, 2015

Any guy who's ever been voted Dad of the Year has at one time or another let his kids eat Froot Loops for dinner

— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) March 22, 2014

"What's that horrible smell in this room?"

- a parenting autobiography

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 8, 2015

If you want to see a fathers true rage ask him to find some matching kid socks in a dryer full of clean laundry.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) June 5, 2015

One of the biggest lies we tell our kids is, "Wow, you're a really good artist."

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 5, 2015

Parenting is a conglomeration of everything I've never learned.

— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) August 28, 2014

Dad Fact: I've been kicked, punched, and elbowed in the junk more in my 3.5 years as a dad than in my whole pre-dad life combined.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 7, 2014

90% of parenting is just figuring out who licked who first.

— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) May 25, 2015

As a parent in his late 30s, my favorite movies are the ones I can still understand after I've accidentally dozed off for a few minutes.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 25, 2014