Bush Promises Not To Shoot Down Your Plane This Holiday Season

Mar 28, 2008 | Updated May 25, 2011

The holiday season is not all about fun, family and suicidal thoughts. It's also about traveling. In order to relieve the annual stress of overcrowded airports, delayed flights and suicidal thoughts, President Bush has decided to open up national airspace typically reserved for military use only. Great news for the harried holiday traveler, but it will require some new procedures and preparation. Before you head to the airport this year, please consider these useful travel tips:

At the Airport
Be prepared for long lines, heightened security, and PTSD. Before entering military airspace, make sure your parachute is properly packed, your radio headset is tuned to the proper channel, and your requisitioned assault rifle and one week's supply of MREs are stowed in a fire-retardant rucksack.