Welcome to "Game of Moans," the weekly recap of "Game of Thrones" Season 4 that highlights all the moan-worthy, gasp-filled, OMG moments that litter the Seven Kingdoms. In other words, you can get a traditional recap anywhere, so here's all the sex, bloodshed, and WTF moments (the good stuff) that went down this week:
(Spoiler alert for "Game of Thrones" Season 4, Episode 7 "Mockingbird." Warning: Some images below are NSFW.)
In May 18's "Game of Thrones," Tyrion gets an unexpected champion to fight for him and Littlefinger proves even further to be the creepiest, most conniving person in all of the Seven Kingdoms.
The I'm-Not-Messing-With-Him Moan
If there's any guy you'd want to steer clear of and not piss off in "Game of Thrones," it's Gregor Clegane, a.k.a. The Mountain. We first met The Mountain when he killed Hugh of the Vale in a joust back in Season 1, then cut off his own horse's head in a rage against Loras Tyrell. He has quite the temper and any man who faces him is in for a difficult fight.
The Don't-Get-On-Arya's-List Moan
Now that Arya's been killing and stabbing men like it's nothing, all bad guys should avoid getting added to her list. Too bad for Rorge, one of the men Yoren kept prisoner in Season 2 and who threatened Arya. He ran into the Stark girl at the wrong time, and of course, she stuck him with the pointy end, as is her specialty.
The Creepy Kiss Moan
We learned earlier this season how manipulative and ultimately in control of everything Littlefinger is. While he's done it all for his love for Catelyn, it became pretty clear lately that he'd set his creepy sights on Sansa since her mother's death. Did I think he'd actually go in for a kiss though? No. Did I think Sansa would've pulled away sooner, or maybe even slapped him like the proper girl she is? Yes. Also, I have to say that this was made even more uncomfortable by Littlefinger kissing Sansa after he mentioned that she could've been his daughter had things been different. Weird.
The Watch-Your-Step Moan
That kiss wasn't enough to throw us (no pun intended). Littlefinger went even further and figured he'd just get rid of Aunt Lysa all together. She did brag about her moon door a lot, but who knew she'd actually get tossed out of it, and by the man she loves! I do feel a bit sad for the deranged woman, but hey, she should've seen it coming with a schemer like Littlefinger.
- Bronn got greedy, and a bit cowardly, didn't he? Then again, he is just being realistic here. Why fight for Tyrion, and likely lose, when he could have women and a castle? Gold and girls is all that really drives Bronn anyway, so I can't totally blame him. Also, it's very hard to take Bronn seriously after seeing Jerome Flynn's music video from when he was a British pop star.
- Did The Mountain look different to you this episode? That's because he was. The actor has been changed three times, and in "Mockingbird" we met the new Mountain, played by Icelandic actor Hafthor Julius Bjornsson. Let's hope he sticks around for a while so we don't get any more confused.
- Even Daario has to face the walk of shame.
- Wow, Cersei has actually been a vile human since childhood. It's not surprising of course that she said such hateful things over baby Tyrion's crib, but damn, this woman never relents.
- Hell yes Oberyn!!! He is truly the dark knight who has risen in King's Landing. I can't wait to see him take on The Mountain and destroy the Lannisters one by one, minus Tyrion.
- Littlefinger is so Snape. But the bad version, of course.
"Game of Thrones" airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. EDT on HBO.