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All Alone? Fearlessly Conquer Valentine's Day Blues

All Alone? Fearlessly Conquer Valentine's Day Blues
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Licensed psychotherapist, executive coach, columnist, and author of "Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days"

Licensed psychotherapist, executive coach, columnist, and author of "Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days"
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"I feel so sad being alone on Valentine's Day." "Will I be alone forever?"
"I hate being single."

I hear this so very often leading up to Valentine's Day. As long as there's a holiday celebrating love and romance, there will be people who will feel sad, lonely, and depressed. There's no question about it: Being alone can evoke such feelings, although they're based in part on the illusion that all coupled people are gloriously happy and blissfully in love. This is hardly the case.

Follow these tips to conquer your Valentine's Day blues:

  • Know that being alone on Valentine's Day doesn't mean you are unlovable or undatable. Even though the holiday may magnify the fact that you're alone, it is only one day out of 365 days.

  • Examine your thinking. People often make gross generalizations and false statements based on how they feel in the moment. Thinking "I'll be alone forever" is not based on fact, but rather fiction. It's based on feeling alone right now and to generalize that to the rest of your life is not a healthy or accurate way of thinking.

  • Don't compare yourself to others. No one is pointing you out just because you are single.

  • Don't define yourself by your relationship status. You're a whole lot more than a single person. You're a friend, a son or daughter, a valued employee, and someone's future love.

  • Think of your strengths and qualities. Would you date yourself if you weren't you? What changes can you make to make yourself more desirable? What do other people like about you? What are some recent compliments you've heard from others? Are you funny? Kind? Smart? Reminding yourself of some of your positive traits is a good reminder of just how likable you are, even though you might be single right now.

  • Anticipate that Valentine's Day may be a difficult day and plan accordingly. Pamper yourself. Go to the spa, treat yourself to a favorite dinner, hang out with your single friends. Recognize that single-hood isn't a curse, a disease, or even a problem. It's just where you are in your life at the moment. Gather your friends and host a Singles-Only party.

  • Use Valentine's Day to reflect on how you can increase your chances of meeting someone with whom you're compatible. Know the type of person you ideally would want in your life. What characteristics, qualities, and interests would this person have? Think of creative ways to meet such people. There's online dating, taking fun classes, volunteering, and socializing with friends.

  • Recognize the huge role that consumerism and commercialization play in Valentine's Day and celebrate all love, even that which is often overlooked: friends, family, and colleagues.

    • For more tips on dating and relationships check out my book BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days.

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