Sorry, y'all, we can't do it today. Call it a crisis of conscience, call it not having any good ideas, call it whatever... but we just can't make a bunch of jokes about not-quite-20-year-old Justin Bieber's DUI arrest... at least, not yet.
Normally, we're able to keep our human feelings locked behind layers of protective snark and bitterness, but for whatever reason they broke right through this morning. Sure, there's a lot of excellent schadenfreude to be had right now... who doesn't love seeing a spoiled rich kid get some comeuppance? But he's just that, a kid. And when so much of the world collectively wants you to fail, failing is a really easy thing to do.
So instead of making jokes at Biebs' expense, consider this our attempt at an intervention. Take it away, concerned dogs: