UPDATE 12/3: Elan Gale revealed on his Twitter account on Monday night that his supposed airplane feud with Diane was, in fact, all a ruse.
PREVIOUSLY: This extremely passive-aggressive airplane feud is one for the ages.
It took place on Thanksgiving Day between a middle-aged woman known as "Diane" and a righteously-indignant TV producer, Elan Gale, who live-tweeted the entire hilarious, maddening encounter as it happened.
The saga began when the US Airways flight to Phoenix was delayed at takeoff:
Our flight is delayed. A woman on here is very upset because she has Thanksgiving plans. She is the only one obviously. Praying for her
She's telling the flight attendants that it is Thanksgiving. She wants them to know she wants to have dinner with her family
The male flight attendant said "I understand ma'am. I'm looking forward to seeing my family too." She responded "This isn't about you"
Her family is very important to her, she says. Her family has a special recipe for stuffing. She needs to be there to help. It is crucial
She has a connecting flight. Why doesn't anyone understand she has a connecting flight? Why do people not understand her needs?
"Today is Thanksgiving! I'm supposed to be with my family. NOT with you people I barely know!"
She had to sit down because we took off. She has been muttering "about DAMN time" and I can hear her breathing from 5 rows back
I sent the lady a glass of wine and a note pic.twitter.com/GttnmQI25P
She's pushing her call button a lot
The male flight attendant is giving me the "let's just pretend this never happened" face. Shaking his head a lot
He gave me two little bottles of vodka but he won't hand them to her. He says I have to do it myself
I'm going to do it
Oh my God I did it I walked as if I was going to the bathroom and I leaned over and put them on her tray table and walked away Oh my God
She just stared at me like REALLY hard. She was breathing through her teeth and I think she just couldn't believe I was doing that
I'm not going to lie I am shaking this is so terrifying she is so angry at me it's kind of incredible
I don't really know what to do now I'm afraid to get out of my seat. This is like being on a roller coaster I'm scared and super excited
The male flight attendant just handed me a note from 7A
From 7A pic.twitter.com/OEaCWw5mz3
This means war
Well I don't know what I'm going to so next but I've got two hours left on this flight and I'm going to retaliate
Diane is in her late 40s or early 50s. She is wearing mom jeans and a studded belt and she is wearing a medical mask over her idiot face
I cannot believe there are "Diane" apologists in this world. You're with me or you're against me!
I'm writing a note as we speak
I'm considering balling it up and putting it in my mouth and spitting it into her tray table as I walk by but I haven't decided yet
I just walked by her and said "I'll be back shortly." Then I stopped and took this picture and smiled at her pic.twitter.com/dNWMMXE2cc
I have delivered the note
My response to "Diane" in 7A pic.twitter.com/cRN2togLdq
I can hear her breathing
I am working on my response at the moment
My final (I think) note to Diane in 7A pic.twitter.com/SLrOug9U4d
I have landed in Phoenix. No sight of authorities yet
Well, "Diane" just slapped me
When I got off the plane I waited for her at the gate. I was holding another note in my hand and I was going to give it to her
She walked right up to me and slapped me immediately in the face
The gate agent for the next flight actually grabbed her and held her back. He asked me if I wanted to have the airport police come over
I said no
She turned to the gate agent and said "Am I going to make my flight to Sacramento?"
He said "no"
I laughed. And then the gate agent said "Are you sure you don't want to talk to the police? You can if you want to"
And I said "No. It's okay. I understand. But I do have a note for her." And I handed it to her and I walked away
The note said...
"Diane, allow me to introduce myself. I am TheYearOfElan..."
"Look me up online. Read every tweet. Read every response. And maybe next time you'll be nice to people who are just trying to help"
Elan, you are our Thanksgiving hero.