Taming Your Inner Crazy

Oct 21, 2013 | Updated Jan 23, 2014

As a follow-up to my last post , ladies we all know that feeling when the crazy starts to surface. Your man does something (or doesn't) real (or imagined) and your temper starts rising. Rather than remaining calm, you fly off the handle and a fight ensues. Afterwards, you walk away unhappy, both of you are upset, and disconnected as a couple. To your guy, you probably look like a lunatic. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to take an honest look at your life and acknowledge that while we are all a little nutty at times, you can take a few simple steps to keep the crazy to a minimum.

Time to build your life. Having a life is the first step in taming the crazy. Look at the people and pieces of your life and how full it is without a significant other. For instance, I have kids, friends, a growing business, and I cherish my role as 'Aunt Jenny'. I have hobbies including an addiction to the gym, the unwavering belief that I can perfect my golf swing, blogging, and yoga. While the relationship with my boyfriend is important to me, I don't live for it. I live for my life which is even more amazing because he is in it. On this note, make sure you find a guy who also has a life of his own. For me that meant finding someone intimately involved with his children and their activities. He had to have hobbies that we could share, but also some things he does on his own.

Part of your life should include amazing friends. Get together a group of friends to consult with when you feel the crazy coming on. This way, as the crazy starts to brew in your head, rather than freak out on your guy and sound like a lunatic you have a group that understands and can provide sound counsel. After all, the same lunacy lives in their heads as well so they can recognize it. Be warned, if your friends are actual lunatics you might have a problem. As an example, if you get advice like "Girlfriend go and give him a piece of your mind!" this is not the friend to consult.

Learn to trust. Almost all crazy comes from a lack of trust. Period. Here are a few questions to ask yourself: Is he being sneaky about something? Does he walk away to talk on the phone? Is his phone always on lock down and/or does he text constantly - sharing none of it with you? Has he ever mentioned you to a friend or any family member? If your gut tells you your guy is not trust worthy, listen to it.

The other type of trust issue would be within you, usually because of a previous relationship. Here is my suggestion, don't make your man pay for the sins of your ex.

You really only have two choices when it comes to trusting a significant other: (1) spend a lot of time worrying about what he may be doing or (2) just trust him. I went looking for a guy I could trust. This way I don't worry about what he's doing. Instead, I use the emotional freedom to build our relationship and my life. If you put it out there to the universe that you trust your man, guess what you will get back in return? A guy you can trust. (This isn't complicated...)

Wrap-Up. Being a chick is hard. Our gender has a tendency to get just a wee bit stressed over the state of our romantic relationships and where they are headed. The desire to rush can cause us to go bonkers and wreck relationships that might actually have long-term potential if we just allow them to naturally unfold.

Put together an amazing life for yourself full of activities, friends, and work. Find a trust worthy guy to be part of your amazing life. Then leave some calendar space for the relationship to gain traction and start to grow. Make sure you both have hobbies so you do not smother each other. Put time into the relationship and your partner (link: don't keep score). While there are no guarantees, I can speak from personal experience that the crazy will subside and you just might find yourself having the time of your life with an amazing person.