As if a real, live camel tweeting from his 29th birthday party wasn't enough Wednesday night, Miami Heat star Chris Bosh had one of the most outlandish cakes we've ever seen in an age of outlandish cakes.
Forget that 5' NBA title cake. Never mind LeBron's crystal-topped seven-layer monstrosity. Disregard even that one time Bosh's cake matched his suit: this cake had a tiny Chris Bosh riding an elephant. An elephant with eyeballs.
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Chris Bosh's Birthday Cake
Yes, that's a wee Chris Bosh sitting on the head of a "Moroccan elephant" piled high with four pillow cakes, his little hand waving to birthday well-wishers. The elephant, made by local celebrity go-to bakers Divine Delicacies, had actual tusks, giant fanning fondant ears, and life-like eyes as fixed and staring as Erik Spoelstra's on a bad night in Boston. Look at this thing! Should a cake even have eyeballs? We don't even know! We're transfixed!
The cake, which was actually one of three Bosh birthday cakes, really can't be topped except by this: Bosh and his wife Adrienne apparently took a helicopter to his party at Briza on the Bay, which by our calculation is exactly 7.1 miles from their home.
Happy Birthday, indeed.