Are you longing for relationships that do your heart good and generate stronger connections? Tired of poor choices? Tepid chemistry? Want a more commanding role in who you attract? Knowing about energy can transform your modus operandi in this not-always-easy area to prevent loneliness and insidious fatigue. Then, no longer in an endless uphill battle, all systems are "go" for achieving your fondest dreams.
In my book Positive Energy I discuss how to generate the positive energy of attraction: that mysterious, seemingly elusive magnetism between us. It masterminds love, friendship, work, and the chemistry of shared ventures. Attraction's opposite is repulsion or aversion, the force that pushes away. As a psychiatrist, I work with my patients to help them grasp the energetic exchange between people -- those who give energy, and those who drain it. Though attraction is often paired with appearance, IQ, bank account, or charm, these aren't enough to summon such blessings. Doing so depends on realizing that you don't just want attention; you want the right kind. The level of attraction I'm referring to has to do with life essences jibbing, a byproduct of both karma and smarts. You can't completely control it, but you can modify your vibes to maximize possibilities.
How can we harness this intriguing alchemy to bring yearned-for prospects to us? The crux is to strive to energetically embody what we want to attract. For starters, take at look at where you're at now. This entails nailing down parameters for what being positive does and doesn't mean in terms of attitude and behavior. Once you're definitive about this, you can strengthen these traits in yourself, and attract the same. What sets positive people apart is a determination to do their best, and not succumb to what's negative in themselves or externals. Here is how I see it:
Positive people are:
- Committed to developing compassion towards themselves and others, and having an open heart
- Courageous about following their dreams
- Those who seek to be authentic and believe in themselves, even when externals are crumbling
- Aware of their darkside, and are trying to heal it
- Willing to learn from mistakes
Positive people aren't:
- Perfect, phony, or positive all the time
- Beating themselves to a pulp over shortcomings or a black hole of pessimism
- Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden
- Squeaky clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.
- Saccharine pleasers who ignore their dark sides and unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.
Four Strategies to Attract Positive People and Situations in Your Life
Energy doesn't simply have an on-off switch. Just as a radio emits has a volume control, you can adjust your vibes. You can amp them up with some people, tone them down with others. Here's how to boost your positive signals.
1. Identify your best parts and speak from them.
Pinpoint your finest qualities. Perhaps irreverence, sensitivity, compassion, humor -- then project them to the world. By speaking up and stepping out of your comfort zone, you're enlarging your energy field. Before meeting new people or going to important events, prime yourself. Take a break for an inner pep talk. Think, "I'm not going to focus on my insecurity but on a strength; I'm going to feel and trust the positive energy inside me. I'm going to claim my full power." Such a selective attention device puts your best parts front and center. Then, perspective shifted, it's easier to confidently move forward. You can't overdo this approach. Use it routinely. Making a choice about where you're coming from focuses your energy.
2. Extend love outward.
Love creates an irresistible charisma, a warm glow that makes us and others happy. You can send it in any situation, a nurturing that won't drain us. How? Focus on your heart, and envision something you love. A flock of seagulls. Your son's smile. A blooming rose. Then, during a conversation, inwardly ask, "Let love flow through me." Feel it rise from your chest; notice a sense of heat, serenity, a radiance. These energies move outward. People soften around it, feel safe, and want more. So when standing by your boss, start pumping away. Loving energy smoothes the rough edges of any circumstance, facilitates rapport. Try it even if you don't like someone, but seek to get along better.
3. Regularly meditate.
Happiness can be increased by meditating. Cutting-edge brain research confirms that we all have a certain mood set point, a range of feelings we usually inhabit. But with regular meditation, it's been shown that we can potentially alter our habitual moods toward the positive. In chapter two of Positive Energy, I describe a simple but powerful three-minute mini meditation to open your heart center. Use this method. When feelings surface during meditation, monitor them. Focus on what's uplifting, not the swirl of negative emotions. Use your breath to center yourself. This inner turnabout transmutes pessimism to something higher. Subsequently, your vibes change; others will respond.
4. Commit to emotional housecleaning.
Consistently chipping away at the negative makes room for more positivity in yourself. Self-awareness is our greatest ally against fear. Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journaling, and/or talking with friends all further healing. As negativity remits, you become more alluring.
Remember when doing this work not to hold idealized expectations, everyone -- including yourself! -- has irritating/challenging/disappointing aspects. We all have foibles. Even so, you can legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humor. These are my heroes and friends.
For more by Judith Orloff, M.D., click here.
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