Don't Kill The Messenger

Feb 19, 2009 | Updated May 25, 2011

New York, New York. It's the big city of dreams, but is it what it really seems? Well, as a New Yorker and a guy who works with thousands of single woman who live here, I'd have to say absolutely not. On the surface, New York City seems to be one of the easiest places to meet Mr. or Miss. Right. I mean, with over eight million people living in five boroughs and New York City's fast-paced lifestyle, one would think that the chances of just bumping into your soul-mate on your way to work, would be promising. Well, think again. Despite so many advances in technology and the world becoming smaller and smaller it seems, there is still an overwhelming number of singles who to struggle when it comes to meeting their match. I am writing this, because I have been noticing it and hearing about it more and more. And, while I don't propose to have all of the answers, I will attempt to shed some light this everlasting question, only if you promise not to "kill the messenger."

I believe, we can attribute the first reason to pure statistics. Did you know that there are two hundred thousand more single women in New York City than single men. This "little detail" creates two differing scenarios that keep relationships from happening in Manhattan and its surrounding areas. The first, that single men become "repercussion-less daters." Guys in Manhattan know in the back of their minds that if the girl that they are sitting across the table from on Friday night isn't giving them exactly what they want in her appearance or dating behavior, they can be confident that right around the corner, there is another women who might be tailor made to their liking. So, the women they date are all expendable and recyclable in their minds (again, not my thoughts, just my observation). On the other side of the coin, because there are so many women and the competition between them is so fierce, they become more willing to sacrifice and accommodate in order to get the dates with these "bachelors of entitlement." So, eventually they find themselves dating men that they wouldn't normally even consider speaking to, just in order to date.

Next, facing such a challenging and extremely competitive dating landscape for an extended period of time, many women become very disenchanted and lose hope in believing that Mr. Right is out there. They also spend less and less time putting themselves in the right scenario to meet eligible guys. They begin to spend more and more time with their girlfriends and married friends hoping that maybe by chance they might be introduced to the right guy. Unfortunately, these singletons ultimately find themselves hanging out with the same people, and seldom meeting new ones.

My observation is that women in Manhattan are victims of an unleveled dating landscape that undoubtedly favors men. The New York City men, also as mentioned earlier, have a false sense of entitlement when it comes to dating and relationships. They believe that it is all about them when it comes to women.

So, what's a girl to do? I say, date like a man. Ugh, I hate hearing myself even say that, but it's true. The trick is to take your love life into your own hands and make it happen. Remember, men are the worst interpreters of female subtle cues of interest, so, if you see a guy who is attractive, walk up to him and introduce yourself. He, unfortunately, will probably be to lazy to approach you, so yes you have to responsible for making the relationship happen. Something in my opinion, the men should be the ones doing. If you're still apprehensive about this advice, think of it this way, if you approach a guy and he is not receptive, how much time out of your life have you wasted, about five minutes? The breakdown: three minutes staring and maybe two minutes of a "not interested" conversation. No big loss. But, what if that five minutes leads to a lifetime of romantic fulfillment with the man of your dreams? Then, that initial five-minute investment of your time is a great ROI. Plus, with the overwhelming number of women in New York City the most important thing is to be unique. In short, most women aren't approaching these guys on a daily basis, so make yourself someone that he doesn't forget.