Lessons from the Roland Martin/GLAAD Showdown

I think that we walk a very dangerous road when we turn the volume and the heat up so high and -- in this age of Twitter and Facebook -- so quickly that the only possible outcome is war. Often, the casualty is to make enemies out of those who could be allies.
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Being both black and gay can be, well, interesting. But rarely has this dual identity manifested itself as dramatically as during the recent controversy between the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) and the black TV and radio commentator Roland Martin.

On Feb. 7, to commemorate National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, I appeared on a segment on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, which was produced and hosted by Roland Martin, to talk about AIDS and the rates of HIV among young black gay men. That same day I also partnered with GLAAD to publish an HIV/AIDS editorial.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, Roland had sent out during the Super Bowl a number of tweets that GLAAD and others believe advocated violence against gay men. Roland denies that this was his intent.

Roland's tweets were offensive and homophobic. For me that's not debatable. When I called Roland, he told me that his intent was to mock soccer as inferior to American football in order to rile his friend Piers Morgan. He seemed very sincere to me, and I believe him, but that hardly excuses using anti-gay rhetoric to make his point. We live in a world where lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people -- and those perceived to be -- are bullied and victimized every day, and sometimes even killed. Roland's tweets remind many LGBT people of humiliating insults they've suffered in the past. By implying that certain people are not manly enough, or commenting that men in pink suits need visits from #teamwhipdatass, he is feeding right into rhetoric that degrades gay people at best, and evokes violence against us at worst. Context matters.

What is also not debatable for me is that Roland Martin is not a homophobe. I've spent time with him and his wife. I've had both public and private conversations with him about his opposition to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," his support for gay marriage, and our individual personal lives and relationships. He is not the kind of person to advocate violence against LGBT people, or anyone else for that matter. Context matters.

So what is the appropriate response? When Roland and I spoke, he told me that no one from GLAAD had called him to talk with him before they called for his head. I spoke with a GLAAD representative who confirmed that no one had called Roland to have a private conversation with him and that their only communications with him were through the Twitter exchange on Super Bowl Sunday.

Our society has a tendency to escalate conflict and immediately go to destroy mode. Too few people seem to care to create real resolutions. Nowhere is this more apparent than in our politics. We are often more interested in making points than finding solutions. Too often we focus on one-upmanship and demonization of those whose points of view are different from our own.

I think that we walk a very dangerous road when we turn the volume and the heat up so high and -- in this age of Twitter and Facebook -- so quickly that the only possible outcome is war. Often, the casualty is to make enemies out of those who could be allies.

Many of us pray for a day when homophobia, racism, and HIV/AIDS are things of the past and when marginalizing people on the basis of identity no longer happens. So I wonder if we might benefit from expanding our toolbox beyond confrontation. Black communities are up in arms over the possible removal of one of the few black commentators from television news. Might we consider strategies that won't pit black people against gay people with some of us stuck in the middle?

Roland Martin is a friend. I have lots of friends who say and do things that I find stupid or offensive. And I'm reminded every day that God has not finished with me yet, either. I am grateful every time someone takes the time to help me work on my stuff.

Few would argue that homophobia doesn't still exist in black communities or that racism and other kinds of stigma aren't alive and well in LGBT communities. But I hope we can all agree that while much work is left to be done, we are not where we used to be, and that sometimes it is better to turn toward one another rather than on one another.

Martin Luther King Jr. said, "The old law of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding. It seeks to annihilate rather than to convert."

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