For the past 15 years or so, I have run a 10K on the morning of Thanksgiving Day -- the Bethesda Turkey Chase sponsored by the local YMCA. It's a healthy way to begin the day and makes the subsequent meal relatively guilt-free.
I had imagined that I'd be running this race well into my seventies, if not beyond. But recently, I've been having doubts. It's almost as if I can see the end of my life as a runner looming -- to my great regret and sorrow.
It's not that my knees have broken down, or my ankles become unstable or my hips disjointed. It's just that, at age 57, my performance has deteriorated alarmingly in recent years. When I run, it seems to me that I'm running in slow motion, trying to plow through an invisible vat of treacle. For years, my time in this race, which covers a tough course with one particularly brutal hill that goes on for almost a mile, was pretty stable. I'd finish in around 43 minutes on a good day, 46 on a bad. Now, I doubt whether I can break 50 minutes on my absolute best day.
Everything about running has suddenly become hard -- and I'm not sure why. I tell myself on training runs to try harder, run faster -- and my body can't respond. I just plod on slightly faster than a tortoise. I used to be great at running up hills. Now, I'm lucky if I can just keep going while others accelerate past me, leaving me in the dust.
I know that ultimately it's all about aging and that the aging process accelerates after a certain point. Even as a relatively healthy and fit individual, if nothing else changes, I will become slower and slower with each year that passes. Perhaps I should just measure myself against myself and treat each year like a blank slate. But it's not just that I can't run the way I used to. The point is, it doesn't feel that good any more. I feel like I'm running just because I've always run -- and I don't quit because I've never seen myself as a quitter.
The question is, when does this process become so disheartening and so not-fun that the best thing to do is walk away and take up something else?
I'm not being defeatist. I'm just asking myself -- and anyone that reads this.
Comments are welcome.