Has it been too long since you've made love with your partner? Do you think about it a lot but seem to avoid it, and your partner does as well? Do you worry about being orgasmic, being appealing, if your partner thinks about this too? It's time to stop worrying and remembering the meaning of "making love."
Making love is about loving your partner, giving him or her pleasure, feeling the closeness of skin-to-skin movement. It's about taking time, a long time, to feel your body against his, the sensuous feeling of being touched and caressed. It's not only about a moment of orgastic release, but more about feeling in close contact bodily with someone you have deep affection for.
Tips for Renewing the Feelings of Making Love
1.Bored with late night TV? Netflix is fine now and then, but is it really what you want now? Look over at your partner and study his face. As he is drifting off to sleep, imagine being held by him.
2.You could broach the topic and have a long drawn out discussion with grievances, or much better, you could just say, "Let's turn off the TV and make love!"
3.Notice the moment of hesitance not with trepidation, but with recognition of the opportunity to reconnect in a physical, warm, and loving way.
4.Spend plenty of time caressing each others' bodies. The feelings of being loved in this way is comforting and compelling. It doesn't have to be fireworks and excitement--just tenderness.
5.If you fear you are not attractive, now is the time to lose a few pounds. When you feel your body is attractive, the wishes to be made love to return.
6.Remember that kissing is a sweet way of connecting. Take your time and enjoy the feelings that it sends through your body.
7.Discover new ways of holding each other and do hold on--no rushing.
8.Immerse yourselves in each others' hold as you let your body move with his.
9.As you say, "I love you," which you may do every day or now and then, now it takes on a new meaning.
10.Remember to have no expectations, judgments, or worries. Just relax and enjoy the one you love.
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Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst and author of Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Familius and wherever books are found. It's about parenting but also about human relations, understanding each others' minds and forming close bonds. Give it as a gift to a parent you know, but read it yourself to remember how to find closeness in your sixties.