It's Me Against Me

I am a 44 year old female with several university degrees. I've raised three children into adulthood, have owned a successful business for 13 years, am a writer for The Educators Room and the Huffington Post. I also have a children's book published. By my society's definition I am successful. Yet I don't see myself in that light.
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I am a 44 year old female with several university degrees. I've raised three children into adulthood, have owned a successful business for 13 years, am a writer for The Educators Room and the Huffington Post. I also have a children's book published. By my society's definition I am successful. Yet I don't see myself in that light. I see a middle-aged female who just happened to luck into some great opportunities. I know I've worked hard and have sacrificed a lot to get where I am, but the realization of all of that is overlooked. I never really considered all of this until I started reading Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In which focuses on the gender bias of females in the workforce not feeling like they add up to their male counterparts. This got me to thinking, if I was male would I have the same viewpoint that I have now?
I am an only child, but my parents were from the generation of hardworking, hand-to-mouth families where no one gets a free ride and nothing is handed to you. Without siblings, I got the best of both worlds; there were no gender specific tasks. I can change the oil in my car and sew an apron, mow the yard and fix an amazing seven-course meal. And I KNOW all of this, so why can I not acknowledge the successes that are right in front of me?
After careful consideration of the above question I have come to realize that my challenge isn't necessarily a question of gender specifics, but more of a you'll-never-be-good-enough mindset. I was always pushed to be better and better, without the acknowledgment of a job well done. I've never considered myself to be less of a person because I am female, on the contrary I have always considered myself to have more opportunities because of such. Most women are naturally gifted with many qualities that men don't have, such as a nurturing nature, undying coercion and an inner strength that is unmatched. Yet when I accomplish something I raise the bar a notch and continually push myself to be better than my best. This is not to say that there are definite inequalities in the corporate world between men and women, but in my line of work and demographics I do not experience such inequities like other women do.
So how do I allow myself to experience the satisfaction of the attainment of goals or successful feats? I'm not sure how to answer this. I wish I could revel in the joy of a job well done. I wish I could sit back and enjoy the pleasure of seeing the fruits of my labor. Yet there are always more goals to accomplish and more tasks to check off my list. I'm at constant competition with the strongest opponent-myself. Unfortunately this opponent is the toughest of all and is usually unbeatable. I can only hope that one of these days I will see myself as an equal to myself, but until that day shows itself I will continue to make strides being the best that I can be, compared only to myself.

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