The BBC has announced their intention to make Queen Elizabeth II the new host of popular motoring show Top Gear.
According to the broadcaster, Her Majesty is "much less likely to run anyone over" than Clarkson, is "much easier on the eye" and "doesn't haveClarkson's history of racism" which would allow them to avoid bad press.
"One originally thought there would be some issues with the idea as one doesn't own a driving licence," The Queen told reporters outside her home in Green Park, London. "But then one realised, one owns the bloody BBC. One can do what ever one wants. And on that bombshell, it's time for one to tell Philip."
Her Majesty's affinity for Land Rovers and Jaguars is expected to be a running joke on the show, while Prince Philip continues to work on his aim to become a panellist on Loose Women.